You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
