So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
