When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
