she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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