Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
no you cant smoke seaweed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
