I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
