2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
