im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
