In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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