i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
