I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
