So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
