i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
