It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
