I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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