I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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