i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
