He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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