no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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