All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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