I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
are you so shy because you have an std?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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