Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
