saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
