My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
