God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
