Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
