a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
love makes seman taste better
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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