its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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