You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
