So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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