actually, I'm a sock model
I skipped work to stalk him.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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