benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
