Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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