hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
