This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize