never play flip cup with pint glasses
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
