they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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