It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
