I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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