Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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