Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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