Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
