the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
