I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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