I cockslap morals
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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