I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
