Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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