I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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