My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it because I queefed?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He did a backflip because drugs
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
