Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
