UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
