that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
