you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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