I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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