i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sober January is a disaster.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
